 
illegitimis non te carborundum
 School of Automotive Sciences
If you don't see a diploma that's just right for you,
email the Department of Curriculum Development ... perhaps we can make your suggested degree available.
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Automobile Multi-Activity degrees are earned for:
Accomplishing the following simultaneous acts while driving: balancing a cup of hot coffee between your legs; consuming a fast food breakfast sandwich; operating an electric razor and/or applying mascara; and conducting a conference call on the cell phone.
©Copyright 2001 Abaddon Enterprises All Rights Reserved
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Automobile Interior Trashology degrees are earned for:
Accurately tossing candy wrappers into the rear seats; assembling a significant collection of petrified French fries; maintaining a balance of over one hundred dollars in returnable cans and bottles in the vehicle; and amassing one-eighth inch of road dust on the dashboard.
©Copyright 2001 Abaddon Enterprises All Rights Reserved
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Automobile Economy degrees are earned for:
Buying a used car for less than the cost of a good dinner; getting excellent reception with a wire-hanger antenna; loaning your car to an acquaintance who's a lousy driver; and not worrying; and consideration of entering a demolition derby at the county fair.
©Copyright 2001 Abaddon Enterprises All Rights Reserved
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Click To See Your Degree Package
Shade-Tree Mechanics degrees are earned for:
Deciding to pull your engine on Saturday morning, and having it back in by Sunday night using a screwdriver, hammer, and a pair of pliers; archiving episodes of TV and radio automotive fix-it shows; being on a first-name basis with everyone at the parts store; and owning a car old enough that you can see the ground through the engine compartment.
©Copyright 2001 Abaddon Enterprises All Rights Reserved
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Click To See Your Degree Package
Finish Fascism degrees are earned for:
Owning a yellow Italian auto dust mop, and using it every morning; no familiarity with the inside of a drive-through car wash; staring for hours into the reflection of the clouds on your hood; carrying a box of baby wipes to immediately remove bird droppings; and taking off your car's bra each and every time you wash it.
©Copyright 2001 Abaddon Enterprises All Rights Reserved
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Click To See Your Degree Package
Auto Accessorizing degrees are earned for:
Using little blue bulbs in the interior lights; having a sound system that would adequately serve a small theater; hanging a collection of fuzzy dice, garters, and baby shoes from the mirror; owning a four-way twelve-volt lighter adaptor to power all your devices; and seriously considering installing neon in the wheel wells.
©Copyright 2001 Abaddon Enterprises All Rights Reserved
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